Here is a list of the most Patriotic Party Animals in American History, they are in no particular order, but they all love getting Star Spangled Hammered.
Here We Go...
Bill Clinton:
Obviously, nobody can argue against the Pimp Bill Clinton on this list. Bill was recently seen partying in New York City with the Champion Louisville Basketball team. He is known for using his secret service agents to make beer runs for him and to hold his legs up while he does keg stands. We all know Clinton is an animal, and now that he can enjoy his life as ex-president, he gets Star Spangled Hammered regularly.
John Belushi:
Every Frat House in America has a picture hanging on the wall of John Belushi from Animal House. A famous scene in Animal House was when his character chugged an entire bottle of whiskey, it wasn't a prop, it was real whiskey. As a matter of fact, Belushi was Star Spangled Hammered on set the entire time. Belushi was also one of the Blues Brothers, so he makes the list of American party animals. Cheers to the American Party Legend, Frat legend, John Belushi.
George Washington:
George was the original baller. His business was pumping in the cash on Mount Vernon, and he was a top-ranked revolutionary General. He used to read the obituaries every day to see if any wealthy men had passed away. This is how he scooped up a widow named Martha, who happened to have a fortune left to her. She became Martha Washington. George Washington is the man.
He used to have huge American keg parties at Mount Vernon. Him and his boys would drink homemade moonshine all night long and talk about how they are going to mess up the British. George Washington is the father of Getting Star Spangled Hammered.
John F Kennedy:
JFK was a straight up boss. He started as A Navy officer during World War II, then he became a congressman in 1947 and a U.S. senator in 1952. Then he became the 35th American president, and the youngest one yet. Every chick in America wanted JFK, and he knew it. If Kennedy were around today, he would be on TMZ probably dating Brittany Spears. Rumor has it the man was addicted to sex & loved to party, but still had his head on straight enough to be elected leader of the free world. JFK loved Freedom, and if he were still alive, we would have him be the spokesman for Freedom Friday.
"And so, my fellow Americans: Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country, because I will be busy getting Star Spangled Hammered." -JFK
Michael Phelps:
What team does Michael Phelps play for? Thats right, America. His uniform is an American Flag Speedo, and his competition is a bunch of foreign losers. Each time he wins, it is a win for the 50 stars and 13 bars. An an Olympian, he only has to compete every 4 years. What does he do the other 3 years? He gets Star Spangled Hammered, all the time. After smoking a bong, this patriotic man eats hamburgers, freedom fries, and sweet apple pie. Michael Phelps sleeps with an American flag as a blanket, and he is one of the most Patriotic American Party Animals in History.
Sylvester Stallone:
Don't mess with this guy when he is Star Spangled Hammered. Stallone is an All-American Hero. Red, White, and Blue Fireworks go off and American Flags wave every time he steps outside. Rocky is one of the most badass American's of all time. He defeated American Enemy Ivan Drago to defend America in a time of war. This true American from NYC got his acting career started in soft-core porn, proving he is a man of many talents. This inspiring American Actor would be one of the best people to rage with on the 4th of July.
Benjamin Franklin:
Benjamin Franklin died a legend, I mean, his face is on a $100 Bill. It doesn't get more badass than that. Ben Franklin got Star-Spangled Hammered all the time! Not only did he discover electricity, invent the bifocals, map the gulf stream, write a best-selling almanac, start the Post Office, and lead the American Revolution, but he also made time to drink that sweet American nectar known as booze. Ben Franklin was an absolute stud with the ladies. He loved to sleep with older woman, and spent half of his time drinking at strip clubs. As a true patriot, revolutionary leader, and ladies man, Ben Franklin goes down as one of the most Patriotic American Party Animals in History.
Honorable Mentions:
- Andrew Jackson for throwing a wine and cheese banger at the White House
- Ulysses S. Grant for getting drunk and drag racing horses while in office
- Clint Eastwood because he's holding a gun to my back...
If you think we missed anybody, leave a comment.
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